Yeah, the people in rescue lead a dream life. I don’t understand why more people don’t get involved with animal rescue and start dipping up their share of the gigantic profits.

Back to reality. You know, folks, there are people who will believe all that. Oh, for crying out loud. A rescue group is like George Bailey’s Building and Loan in It’s a Wonderful Life – the money isn’t always kept in the vault, it’s invested in assorted properties to benefit the whole community. I might give a $350adoption fee for a Pom whose care and upkeep was minimal and it cost about $30 to get the rascal ship-shape. But someone else may donate $350 for a Pom who cost about $4,000 to repair after a lifetime of bad living at the hands of some idiot human.

I asked Cheri about Recycled’s state this week: ‘We have 20 dogs currently available for adoption and two un-adoptable dogs (one has a brain tumor and the other is a fear-biter). We just recently had one come to us anemic with a broken leg, broken tail and open sores all over her body. We even had to remove some tar like substance from her ears… not to mention the million fleas.’ At the group’s link HERE you can see other dogs such as Gizmo, who can’t tolerate kids, and Bubbles, who is a boy dog. On a personal note, Cheri says, ‘I currently have 12 foster dogs in my care alone. I don’t live on a ranch and they don’t get put in kennels. At least 6 of them sleep in my bed each night. We really could use some foster mommies or daddies, too. We have four dogs in boarding because we don’t have foster homes for them to go to.’ (FYI: Boarding isn’t free — there’s where some of that $250 fee goes.)

You know the recent move to smaller cars and more efficient fuel-burning engines? Animal rescuers did that years ago. They needed to save money on gasoline so they could feed their rescue habit and efficiently drive rescued dogs from one city to another, from one state to another. Earlier this year, a rescue group took a heeler mix from Dallas to Minnesota and got snowed in near the final destination. That cost money nobody expected to spend. That money often comes right out of a rescuer’s pocket and isn’t replaced — except that their hearts feel better about saving an animal.

I’ve been to many, many rescue events. I have yet to see a rescuer show up in designer fashions and shoes that you couldn’t wear to wade into a storm sewer to find a mewing kitten or a whimpering puppy. Not that rescuers don’t clean up good, it’s just that they look at a $300 suit or $500 dress and think, ‘That would buy a lot of dog food’ or ‘That would pay for a lot of spaying and neutering.’

These people make sacrifices to help animals. When some foul-minded human tries to get rich via an animal rescue group, they usually wind up spending their money on criminal defense attorneys. Rescue groups sometimes set what looks like a high fee because it theoretically makes the person who pays it feel more responsible about the dog or cat. That motivation might just work with some people — but other people fall in love with the animals and they become part of the family no matter what they cost.

Free dogs and free cats often wind up in shelters. But, so do the expensive critters. No animal is safe when the human factor is out of control. Oh, yeah, when these dogs and cats come into a rescue group, they don’t arrive with a folder containing their medical records. So every dog or cat has to go through a vet exam and gets shots and usually gets a treatment for some minor problem. There’ll be heartworm testing and if the result is ‘positive,’ there’s the added expense of heartworm treatment — at the least a few hundred bucks if there’s a charitable vet involved. And lots of vets work with rescue groups to try to keep the expenses down. Still, if you get 5 fresh dogs one week and four of them are heartworm positive, that’s still a bundle.

OK, that’s just scraping the surface of rescue expenses — we’re not even touching on boarding or special medical situations such as broken bones or open wounds, horrifying physical problems caused by lack of grooming, etc. Oh, geez, don’t get me started on the problems with cocker spaniels’ ears and eyes. Or retired racing Greyhounds with their broken hocks and wrecked tendons. Or cats that arrive looking pregnant and actually are — delivering five or six kittens that need immediate treatment for upper respiratory problems. Or … well, it’s just flat sad what happens to animals in the custody of idiot people.

So, to you shallow thinkers who believe rescue groups are in it to make money, let’s just ask this: For crying out loud, are you nuts? Are you blind to reality? You think caviar is the official snack of Straydog Inc., the sanctuary for down-on-their- luck dogs at Gun Barrel City? The assorted rescuers of Goldens, Labs, Great Danes, Siamese, Tabbies, Rabbits, Hamsters, etc. are people who’ll sacrifice nearly everything to achieve the mission of saving the animals. Then, after a good adoption day, they’ll splurge for a cup of coffee or a Slurpee, talk about how they’re worn out from juggling their job and their mission, and try to drive home without picking up another stray that crosses their paths. Yeah, they’re all getting rich — just not with spending money.” Camp LotsaDogs

Adam and Eve said, “Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day. Now we do not see you any more. We are lonesome here, and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us.”

And God said, I will create a companion for you that will be with you and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourselves.”

And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve. And it was a good animal. And God was pleased.

And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he wagged his tail. And Adam said, “Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal.” And God said, “I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG.”

And Dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them and loved them. And they were comforted. And God was pleased. And Dog was content and wagged his tail.

After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said, “Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and preen like peacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught them that they are loved, but perhaps too well.”

And God said I will create for them a companion who will be with them and who will see them as they are. The companion will remind them of their limitations, so they will know that they are not always worthy of adoration.”

And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam and Eve. And Cat would not obey them. And when Adam and Eve gazed into Cat’s eyes, they were reminded that they were not the supreme beings. And Adam and Eve learned humility. And they were greatly improved. And God was pleased.

And Dog was happy.

And Cat didn’t care one way or the other.

Conclusion: They’re tiny women in little fur coats.

What is a Dog?
Dogs spend all day sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house. They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but don’t hear you when you’re in the next room. They can look dumb and lovable at the same time. They growl when they are not happy. When you want to play, they want to play. When you want to be alone, they want to play. They leave their toys everywhere. They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you a kiss. They go right for your crotch as soon as they meet you.

Conclusion: They’re tiny men in little fur coats.

When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two of you in the way.

The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food.
The other dishes are mine and contain my food. (Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate & food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food & dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.)

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.
Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn’t help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort. Look at videos of dogs and cats sleeping. They can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. (I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but sarcasm.)

My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom.
If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine meow, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. (In addition, I have been using the bathroom for years… canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.)

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dogs or cats’ butt. I cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you.

To pacify you I have posted the following message on our front door…..

So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said: “Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I’ll give you a twenty-year life span.”
The monkey said: “Monkey tricks for twenty years? That’s a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?”

And God agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow and said: “You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer’s family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.”
The cow said: “That’s kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I’ll give back the other forty?”

And God agreed again.

On the fourth day, God created man and said: “Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I’ll give you twenty years.”
But man said: “Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?”

“Okay,” said God, “You asked for it.”

So that is why the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy life. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.